We live in a great neighborhood. Not only do we have a million dollar view, we have some of the best neighbors a person could ask for. Evenings at the local restaurant lingering over a couple bottles of wine. Evenings out in the driveway sharing a few adult beverages while playing washers or corn-hole. Weekends with a pork shoulder on the smoker. You get the picture.
And then chaos ensued….
It all started when one neighbor
Kim (name changed to protect the innocent) is a sweet, fun loving woman who gets along with everyone. She (and her husband) party a bit more than the rest of us – make that a lot more – but they fit into our group well and are a lot of fun.
The problems started when Kim spent an evening talking to Amy, the one neighbor we didn’t include in our festivities. To be blunt, none of us approved of Amy’s (and her husband’s) lifestyle and major integrity issues. Since we don’t tend to spend time around people we don’t like or trust they weren’t included.
After a few beverages, and a few contrived tears from Amy, Kim went off the deep end and launched a flame war on Facebook. This took us all by surprise, and caused a lot of hurt and anger. For several days it tore our group apart.
So what happened to cause this chaos? Were we wrong about Kim?
Not in the slightest. Kim is a sweet, nice person. The problem is that she has a values vacuum. She never has taken the time to figure out what she believes, what she stands for, and what is right and wrong. And when you don’t have a strong moral compass you get blown about by life’s winds.
Since Kim didn’t know her values, Amy was able to easily manipulate Kim.
I’ve seen this many times over the years
These are the people who think one thing one day when they are talking with you, then a few days later have a completely different opinion after talking to someone else. It goes on and on, constantly shifting, always changing.
These are the girls or guys that completely change every time they date someone new. You know who I’m talking about…cowboy boots one week, piercings then next, always based on their new lover’s views.
What can we learn from this
One of the great things about life is that God keeps giving us the same test until we learn the lesson he is trying to teach. We can do it the hard way and learn from pain in our own life. Or we can learn by watching other people, seeing their mistakes, and making changes in our own life.
In this case, I learned a couple things:
- Don’t trust people without a moral compass: it sounds harsh, but how can you trust someone who’s opinion changes constantly as the wind blows? You need to be able to know that your friends have your back.
- You need to examine your beliefs, question your values, and decide what you stand for: this is an ongoing process. One of the great gifts of life is that we are continuously growing, learning, and improving. The beliefs and values that fit you today won’t be big enough to support your life in a few years. Also, how many of your beliefs did you actually form in a conscious manner? How many were given to you by family members, friends, teachers, etc…?
Your action items
- Look at your current relationships. Are these trustworthy friends, people you can rely on to “have your back?” If not, start distancing yourself. It sounds harsh, but you can’t bring people up to your level, they can only pull you down. Also, by clearing out dysfunctional friends you make room in your life for great friends that support you.
- Start examining your beliefs. Every time you have a negative emotion or something negative happens in your life, ask yourself “What beliefs contributed to this? What beliefs are behind this?” Then replace these beliefs with positive beliefs that support the life of your dreams.
- Pick five emotions that drag you down and ask yourself “what beliefs contributed to this? What beliefs are behind this?” Then replace these beliefs with positive beliefs that support the life of your dreams.
- Pick five recurring problems in your life and ask yourself “what beliefs contributed to this? What beliefs are behind this?” Then replace these beliefs with positive beliefs that support the life of your dreams.